well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
