There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
