Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
