a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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