halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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