I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
