You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
