Can Purell be used as lube?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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