Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
