Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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