i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
