My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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