she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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