I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
