I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
