You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
