I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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