It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
