I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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