Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
