Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
