White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
