you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
