A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
