Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
