Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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