Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
