We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
