i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
