New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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