After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
