he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
