you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
