I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
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