She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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