Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Bring me that man meat
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
