It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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