Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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