Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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