Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
