Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
