i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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