based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
