I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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