were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
