May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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