in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
