Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My underwear smells like fireworks.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
