everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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