If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
