"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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