Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
