i need an iv and a liver transplant
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
