The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
