What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
