Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
