There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
