you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
